STAGES OF PREGNANCY

FIRST SIGNS...

EITHER SOMEONE GAVE ME A BOOB JOB OVER NIGHT OR IM PREGNANT.

EITHER SOMEONE BEAT ME IN THE CHEST WITH A BAT OR IM PREGNANT WOULD ALSO WORK.

TIME TO GO UP A SIZE...

MY PANTIES ARE OFFICIALLY CUTTING OFF MY CIRCULATION~ WHO KNEW THAT WOULD HAPPEN SO SOON?

I LOVE MY GROWING BELLY... 

NOW IF ONLY I COULD FIGURE OUT WHY MY BUTT IS IN A COMPETITION WITH IT.

THE NAME GAME...

MY 3 FAVORITE RESPONSES TO "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO NAME HIM?"

1. OH, I KNOW SOMEONE NAMED "  ".... HE IS SO ANNOYING

2. WELL... YOU'LL PROBABLY CHANGE YOUR MIND

3. WHY DO YOU HATE YOUR KID? (THAT WAS FROM MY LITTLE BRO LUKE :)

EMOTIONAL ROLLER COSTER...

I GET IT THAT IM GOING TO BE EMOTIONAL BUT I DRAW THE LINE AT BAWLING MY EYES OUT TO A KLEENEX COMMERCIAL.

INCLUDING THE HUSBAND... 

ZACHS RESPONSE TO ME ASKING IF I'VE EXPLAINED TO HIM WHAT A BREAST PUMP IS: 

"YES, AND PLEASE DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN"

REGISTERING...

WOW.  LOOK!  ITS A STROLLER THAT IS ALSO A CAR SEAT THAT BECOMES A HIGHCHAIR THAT TRANSFORMS INTO A CRIB THAT ROCKS YOUR BABY WHILE TEACHING HIM HOW TO READ AND WRITE.

WAITING FOR THE BABY TO KICK...

MY BOOK SAYS I SHOULD FEEL HIM ALL THE TIME AT 16 WEEKS- WELL IM ON WEEK 20 AND NOTHING. I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD BE PRAYING FOR MY BABY TO KICK THE #$%^ OUT OF ME!

SLEEPING...

I CAN'T LAY ON MY STOMACH, I CAN'T LAY ON MY BACK, WHEN I LAY ON MY RIGHT SIDE HE KICKS ME AND I FEEL LIKE HE IS TELLING ME THAT I'M SQUISHING HIS HEAD.  THE LEFT SIDE WORKS OK FOR ABOUT TEN MINUTES UNTIL MY HIP STARTS THROBBING AND IM FORCED TO ROLL OVER TO THE RIGHT SIDE & SUFFER WITH THE THOUGHT OF DEFORMING MY BABIES LITTLE HEAD!

WADDLING...

I WILL NEVER JUDGE A PREGNANT WADDLER AGAIN!  I HAVE BEEN WADDLING FULL TIME NOW FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS AND BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!  YOU TRY WALKING NORMAL WITH A 15 POUND BOWLING BALL ATTACHED TO YOUR STOMACH!

THINGS THAT ARE IMPOSSIBLE WHEN YOUR PREGNANT...

PUTTING YOUR SHOES ON, SHAVING, PICKING SOMETHING UP ON THE GROUND, FEELING CUTE, NOT SWEATING THROUGH YOUR CLOTHES (I DON'T CARE HOW COLD IT IS), MOVING AT ANY OTHER SPEED OTHER THAN SLOW MOTION, MOVING PERIOD...

PREGNANCY HATERS...

THESE ARE THE WOMEN IN YOUR LIFE THAT WHEN YOU TELL THEM YOUR PREGNANT THEY SAY "WHY?",  GAG AT YOUR GROWING BELLY, AND MAKE FUN OF OTHER FRIENDS THAT ARE PLANNING ON GETTING PREGNANT.  MY ADVICE IS TO STEER CLEAR OF THESE PEOPLE WHILE YOUR PREGNANT~ PREGNANCY IS HARD ENOUGH!!!

MY PREGNANT BODY...

OH HOW FUNNY IT IS TO LOOK AT MYSELF NAKED THESE DAYS!  WHO KNEW SO MUCH COULD CHANGE IS SO LITTLE TIME!  I FIND MYSELF LOOKING AT PRE-PREGNANT PICTURES WONDERING WHY THE HECK I DIDN'T WEAR A BIKINI ALL THE TIME WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE!

DESPERATION...

THE NINTH MONTH IS MISERABLY UNCOMFORTABLE WHICH LEADS TO TOTAL DESPERATION FOR ANYTHING TO GET HIM TO COME!  TODAY I WADDLED FOR FORTY MINUTES AROUND THE PARK BY MY HOUSE  WITH TWO CARING NEIGHBORS STANDING IN THEIR FRONT YARD THE ENTIRE TIME WATCHING ME WITH ABSOLUTE TERROR ON THEIR FACES!  

FINAL THOUGHTS...

PREGNANCY IS SUCH A JOURNEY.  SUCH A FUNNY, UNCOMFORTABLE, MAGICAL JOURNEY AND ALL I CAN SAY IS I FEEL SO BLESSED TO HAVE EXPERIENCED EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF IT, AND SO READY TO MOVE ON TO THE NEXT JOURNEY IN MY LIFE... MOTHERHOOD!!